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lawrence_Arps

curmudgeon rant just for the sake of it.

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Hi ya'll

I truly don't want to demean anybody....For comedic purposes only!. Hope this isn't to much for the moderators!

 

There are clearly cohorts of people out there in guitar land who fall into categories:

 

1. The experienced informed 40+ player/engineer.

Many years of playing - often through substandard gear, sometimes through magic amps, and comfortable with every type of modelling since the Shultz Rockman.

he takes the Helix home, plugs it in (having checked the manual first to get the levels, connections etc correct).....and it sounds fantastic! The Fenders sound like Fenders, the Marshalls sound like Marshalls...the drives make it distorted, the reverbs and delays make it wet.  99% of what he needs is there already and its all more convenient and cheaper than he could have ever hoped for.  On a good day he might use 3 or 4 amp models...or maybe just one!  This guy is happily married.

 

2. The Man with the Golden Ears.

This guy might like the Helix in principle but nothing sound perfect enough.  The Marshalls don't sound exactly like the Marshall he once hired for a session, the Fender doesnt sound like the The one used by his hero...the Hall reverb isn't as transparent as an EMS, the Tubescreamer is not as perfect as the one he bought in 1978 and has modded every year since.  Oh and the 150ms patch change makes it UTTERLY IMPOSSIBLE to ever use the helix live!

This guy is single cos no woman ever lives up to the perfection of his fantasy.

 

3. The over reaching beginner

This guy is hoping the Helix sounds as good as his Peavey Rage...

With no experience in patching/signal flow or having never used a tape delay or a reverb he cant work out how to get any good sounds out of helix...and he plugged it straight into his $20 computer speakers to be sure it would sound great.

Hes a 3 stroke kinda guy!

 

4 The Troll

Im really suspicious about some of the trolls.  You know the "it just sounds so digital.....Fizz....slow patch change...nothing works properly, I compared it to my xxxx....

I truly wonder if some of these posts are from staff who work for the various competitors and spend their time trolling in order to undermine products in order to increase their own sales.

This guy pleasures himself.

 

5.The complete lollipop.

Now maybe this guy is actually a nice human being...but he is not experienced with good gear or computers, and hasn't actually gigged much, and has never recorded in a pro environment, BUT know from the moment he switches helix on that the presets sound like lollipop. "I think I should send this back cos it sounds so unusable"  This guy thinks he needs 200 amps and is frustrated at only having wah, compressors, delays, phasers, choruses, filters, leslies, drives, fuzzes, flangers, reverbs pitches shifitng, harmony, and synths.  In fact it  is really annoying that Helix keeps running out of processor power!

One day he might get laid.

 

and yes if the shoe fits!

 

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Don't know why this would offend anyone - more truth in this than not.

 

And yah, I'm a #1 - sadly with the emphasis on the "+" in "40+".  (Still have a Rockman Sustainer on the shelf....)

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That

Was

Awesome

 

I like to think I'm a #1 type - I fit the everyday aspects of that profile, and I think during the whole session me and my good friend spent of monkeying (!) around with sounds and patches and such today, I believe I accessed 4 amps - wait, 3; two were different patches built around the same amp...

 

I put in the time in tweaking to get ready for that first little gig test - it raised the hair on my arms it was sounding so good.

Weakest link at that point was me, and honestly... the great results in sound and feel were so inspiring that I was relatively on-point in response to the test...

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I'm a solid category 1 here.... I don't think you'd have too many 2s, 3s and 4s knowingly identifying themselves on any kind of survey though! Lol. ("Liked")

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Sounds about right.  I'd like to think I'm a #1, but I'm only 32.  So, a .75 maybe?

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Don't know which I am... the pro who uses the best tool for the job and might suggest a feature here and there but isn't always bitchin'...?

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Number 3, the happily over-reaching beginner.

 

That's a good thing though, it always means I'm more concerned about my own limit than that of my equipment!

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Is it possible to be all of these on different days of the week? Or even within hours of each other? Aren't we all all of these things at one point, even if sometimes it's only in a delusional state?

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That is incredibly spot on. I'm a very solid 1 and am in a band with someone closer to a 2 but even he is starting to come around and is thinking the Helix is sounding fantastic next to and blended with his old-school analog tube amp-->cable-->guitar signal chain. We're kinda like the best of both worlds. While I do own and appreciate all my classic tube amps and stomp box pedal board gear, nowadays, being in the 40+ crowd, my back certainly appreciates the ease-of-use and transport of my Helix set up. (And my HD500x before that).

 

Great post.

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Me too. I fall into a couple of these categories, maybe even partially into a 3rd. Over all, I am mostly a 1, with elements of both 2 and 5 tossed into the mix. Really, I think you need a 6th category. The experienced, 40+ player who is a boutique, analog tone tone snob, but is on a money/time budget. This person likes a lot of what the helix offers, but probably would only be truly happy had they spent 10 grand acquiring the creme Dela creme of the best pedals made over the past 50 years, however, they lack either the patience or the money to set about acquiring them. I know a few players, luthiers, techs who have spent years working on their rig and would never be content with the helix. These are my colleague's. We don't play hard rock. We use very little distortion if any, so most of the amps in the helix are just lame for our purposes. That said, we are finding enough to like, to keep us in the game with the helix, keep us digging/reaching, and yeah, at times overlooking/disregarding. We've owned other multi effect pedals and none have have been a perfect fit, but we like the idea and application of all in one box solutions, enough to keep buying and hoping. The helix is the best we have found so far.

 

I am a player first and foremost. I feel like 75-80% of the helix wasn't built for a player like me, but they gotta appeal to the masses I know, and the other 20% might just be enough to satisfy me.... I am happily married to a wonderful fox, and I've got 2 lovely daughters.

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Maybe what you're missing is a #0?

 

Over 60.  Retired.  Not married.  Lots of time on his hands.  Been playing in bands and studios for over 40 years.  Builds his patches one at a time for each song.  Each patch is designed to be used with a specific guitar.  Thinks modeling is the best invention since water because he wouldn't dare try to move a double-stacked marshall anymore.  Thinks jamming is for amateurs...designs and plans all his lead and fill work.  Arranges all songs down to the exact tempos so all shows can be timed out almost to the second.  Uses a sound meter to normalize the volumes across all his patches.  Thinks any song with less than a 200 chord progression is just pure laziness.  Thinks any PA less than a line array is a waste of time.

 

Holy smokes...from my description I'm not sure I even WANNA be me!!!   :o

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Maybe what you're missing is a #0?

 

Over 60.  Retired.  Not married.  Lots of time on his hands.  Been playing in bands and studios for over 40 years.  Builds his patches one at a time for each song.  Each patch is designed to be used with a specific guitar.  Thinks modeling is the best invention since water because he wouldn't dare try to move a double-stacked marshall anymore.  Thinks jamming is for amateurs...designs and plans all his lead and fill work.  Arranges all songs down to the exact tempos so all shows can be timed out almost to the second.  Uses a sound meter to normalize the volumes across all his patches.  Thinks any song with less than a 200 chord progression is just pure laziness.  Thinks any PA less than a line array is a waste of time.

 

Holy smokes...from my description I'm not sure I even WANNA be me!!!   :o

Only 200 chords?  What about the confounded bridge? B) And yes, I no longer can move 3 double stack Marshalls by myself (even if I wanted to I wouldn't).  Happily married, six daughters, 11 grandchildren with two of the daughters not populating the earth yet, I can afford most all gear, AND yet I chose the Helix.  I like it!!  The ears have it.

 

LOL :wacko:

 

Dennis

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Maybe what you're missing is a #0?

 

Over 60. Retired. Not married. Lots of time on his hands. Been playing in bands and studios for over 40 years. Builds his patches one at a time for each song. Each patch is designed to be used with a specific guitar. Thinks modeling is the best invention since water because he wouldn't dare try to move a double-stacked marshall anymore. Thinks jamming is for amateurs...designs and plans all his lead and fill work. Arranges all songs down to the exact tempos so all shows can be timed out almost to the second. Uses a sound meter to normalize the volumes across all his patches. Thinks any song with less than a 200 chord progression is just pure laziness. Thinks any PA less than a line array is a waste of time.

 

Holy smokes...from my description I'm not sure I even WANNA be me!!! :o

Wow. I am like your exact opposite. Never play any song the same way twice. Never plan a single note of any solo, though I do tend to linger semi close to the melody. Always make music in the moment and am up for falling on my face 10x if it means 1 moment of unplanned for grace. I have 1 preset in my helix, with about 12 different stomps, and I use them like a painter uses colors, mixing and matching as the moment seems to require. All I ever do is jam, and I am far from an amateur.

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-1) 50+ Professional software developer - very good at that.  But not a very good guitar player.  His playing makes neighborhood dogs howl.  Married, 3 kids.  Has been away from playing guitar for 35 years, and was only mediocre back then.  Could never afford anything decent - remembers the Shulz Rockman, got to try one out, really wanted one, but alas ... couldn't afford it.  35 years later, started playing again - is totally blown away by the new modeling tech that never existed 35 years ago.  Helix is way more than what he needs, but can now actually afford stuff.  Feels guilty that he has better equipment than some struggling actual gigging musicians that are 1000 times better than him.  Quickly dismisses those thoughts and plays for hours on end blowing off steam from his day job, smiling the whole time, and aspires to one day keep time with a rhythm.   ;)

 

 

Lol - like you said, if the shoe fits ...  :)

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Hmm...this could have been a drive-by click baiting fellas. No sign of the OP. Ooh...would that be a category 6 poster?

 

Sorry...a little of my category 5 coming out ;)

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Very illuminating.

 

I think a lot of us probably recognize at least moments of each 'type' in ourselves.

 

I just upvoted some posts - notably ones which are practically polar opposites - and I did so because I acknowledge, appreciate, and spend times on both realms.

 

The OP was putting out some humour, but what's the real harm in inspiring us to take a look at ourselves - and it's absolutely true; rarely if ever do people ever fit and stay within any one 'profile' like the above... That's a marvellous thing.

 

And these introspective moments have been granted to us for free, also =]

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glad to see this was taken in the spirit intended (well mostly :) )

 

yup Im more than one of this at various times myself....I also think we could change the brand and model and it still works!

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Wow. I am like your exact opposite. Never play any song the same way twice. Never plan a single note of any solo, though I do tend to linger semi close to the melody. Always make music in the moment and am up for falling on my face 10x if it means 1 moment of unplanned for grace. I have 1 preset in my helix, with about 12 different stomps, and I use them like a painter uses colors, mixing and matching as the moment seems to require. All I ever do is jam, and I am far from an amateur.

My kinda guy - lemme know if yer ever gonna be in the Phx area.....

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My kinda guy - lemme know if yer ever gonna be in the Phx area.....

I grew up in Phoenix. Used to play in bands back in Tempe back in the 90's, early 2,000's. Small world.

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